We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
