just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
