No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
