have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
