i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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