I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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