I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
