Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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