he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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