For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
