I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
