we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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