He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
