Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
there's paper in my vomit.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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