she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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