dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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