HIV tests are more positive than that guy
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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