So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
