I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
