Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize