508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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