Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i came on her dog
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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