i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
