is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
