Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
