dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
