i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
