I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
