Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
