just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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