i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
