He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
