Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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