It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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