i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
