just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
