brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
