I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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