What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
