community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
