what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I FOUND THE LEGS
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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