If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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