I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
