Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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