Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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