I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
