I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
