I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
