His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
