God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
