In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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