I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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