I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
