During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
