I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
