She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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